Wednesday, January 24
by Amy
Coleman and I fucked last night. It was a short angry pump and not the long, open sigh we’re both used to. I hate myself for doing it. We got into a long discussion about violence. He disagrees with me on just about everything. I’m not surprised. Over the past few months, since D.C., he’s been getting more and more unlike himself. It’s like a hit in the head changed him. He’s angrier. More strident. Any amount of questioning draws out the worst in him. I swear he’s going back to what he used to be.
I’m always questioning. He knows that. Questioning threatens him these days. It seems the threaten everyone. It’s not that I doubt the Movement, but I think its important that when greeted by violence that we don’t react back in violence. We can’t afford to lose ourselves.
Unfortunately, more and more rhetoric is about violence. It’s about people who wake up and discover that they live in a nightmare. The only way for people to change the system is to change themselves. And you can’t change yourself if you adopt the rules of the system.
We can’t afford to lose ourselves. It’s the only way we’re going to win.
