March 28, 1968
by Janine Stephenson
Mrs. Stoutmiller wouldn’t tell me what to do. Maybe it was unfair for me to ask her to do that.
I didn’t come right out and ask her. I told her how I felt and what kind of chaos was going on right now. She said that she heard through the grapevine that things were difficult there, but that politics is a difficult business. There usually is some kind of chaos, coupled with a “constant tremor that skirts disaster… usually.”
She also told me that I’m not a terrible person for having doubts. Even if I decide to switch my allegiance, that doesn’t make me a bad person.
I told her that Craig and Becca thought that it would make me a bad person. She said that it was natural, because they see people who disagree with them as being the enemy.
“Elections are a terrible process. It’s amazing that the country doesn’t disintegrate into Civil War every four years.”
I asked her if she was still for McCarthy. She said she was pledged for Gene at least until the first ballot is cast at the convention. “Anything is better than Lyndon. The man is insane.”
She really thinks that the President is crazy. There can be no explanation for it. It made me wonder if she heard something through her grapevine or if she thought that on her own. I didn’t have to ask her though. She volunteered that there were a few people in Washington who were concerned about his mental health.
“But it’s a rumor. That’s all.”
It’s not the first time I heard something like that, but it was mostly from people like Craig and Becca. Not from someone who has a “grapevine.” I got very scared after that. She told me not to worry. If a president ever went off the deep end, other people would be around to avert disaster.
Even if their jobs depend on following orders?
She said that they were Americans first, and would never do anything to harm the country. But it seems like we’re being harmed already.
She and Annabelle are still having problems. They talk, but not about politics. Annabelle and her husband support LBJ, of course, probably because her husband has to support him. His job depends on it.
It must be hard having to follow orders all the time. It must make someone a shell of a person, not being able to act on their feelings.
So before I got off the phone with Mrs. Stoutmiller, I promised I would keep in touch with her. I thanked her for talking with me. She thanked me for calling.
I still don’t have any answers. Just a lot more thinking to do.
