May 11, 1968
by Janine Stephenson
Benjamin and I went out for our last Saturday night date. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I couldn’t see him anymore. There was no point. With the campaign over, I let time do the talking. I asked Benjamin if he wanted to join the campaign and come with us. He said that he couldn’t. His family depends on him too much.
We spent the night listening to folk music at a downtown coffeehouse. He tapped his fingers on the table like he did when we went to the jazz club. I thought about how uncomfortable I felt being the only white person in the jazz club. Then I looked around, I noticed that Benjamin was the only black person in the coffeehouse. I wondered if he noticed it too and if he was uncomfortable because of it.
I didn’t ask.
After the coffeehouse, we walked around the block. As we turned a corner, he kissed me. I didn’t mind. He told me that it was important to him that he say goodbye, so I needed to tell him when I was leaving town. As soon as I knew, I needed to tell him.
I’m promised him I would, and I will. We agreed that we might not be able to have a conventional relationship, but that it’s very important that we stay in touch, no matter what.
Leaving is so hard. I wish I could go now, just to get it over with.
