What Will Happen Next

June 20, 1968

by Janine Stephenson

 

I'm writing this in the back of the car. Craig is driving again, with Becca in the passenger seat. Baby John and I are in the back. We just passed Nebraska.

 

For a while, Baby John was awake. But he has since fallen asleep with a rosary in his hand. I think he's been praying. I'm not sure.

 

All of us have been listening to an AM radio station. A priest was being interviewed on the topic of "What's Wrong With America?"

 

I think that's what caused Baby John to take his rosary out. He needed to pray.

 

Some people say that there's too much violence on the television and in movies. They think that we get all of our ideas from what we see acted out in front of us.

 

Other people think its our upbringing, that we're allowed too much freedom. It's all Dr. Spock's fault.

 

But I think it's because we're taught that violence equals power. We see the war on the television and we hear about it in the news. We're told that it's alright to go to other countries and kill people. Murder is right under certain circumstances.

 

It's not. I don't understand anyone who believes in God and thinks that it's okay to kill people. It's never acceptable.

 

Craig says that the violence in our country is karmic. Becca nods her head in agreement, like she knows what he's talking about. Maybe she does, but I have no reason to think so.

 

I don't know what karma is. Baby John says that we're just reaping what we sow. He's said other things too lately, about how we're a violent society who solves all of our problems by clubbing and killing people. If we're really a democracy, or even a partial democracy, why do we have to kill people who are different from us?

 

I guess self-defense is okay, but Craig says that even that is iffy. After all, how many threats are just our imagination? Fear is a part of the Monkey Mind.

 

I don't know what Monkey Mind is, but if it means something like "it's all in our head" I can believe it. I don't think it's human nature to beat and kill people. I don't think that civil war is inevitable.

 

I just hope that the country can continue to exist. I'm just not sure what will happen next.